my sweet 16 on saturday was honestly one of the best days of my life. my brothers both came from far away to be there and my family was there along with the best group of friends i've ever known. i can't thank you all enough for making it such a great night. you made my 16th birthday better than i could have even imagined. i love you guys!! forever!!

it's almost midnight, so it's going to say that i wrote this entry on october 10th. i went into a chat room tonight on a different sn because i was desperate to have a conversation with someone. i ended up having this really intense debate with this girl about the beginnings of life. she said that life derived from amino acids that caused a chain reaction of cells which eventually became life as we know it, that everything was an accident and our only purpose was to reproduce and keep the flow of life going, and that spirituality is a connection between human minds that makes everyone believe in it. i said that life could not have had completely begun with amino acids because they couldn't be the cause of human intention and emotion and the want for a connection with other humans, that nothing is an accident, and that our purpose in life is to return to where we came from. but she asked if i believed in god and i said i didn't know. i'm still searching for answers.

i went on a xanga search tonight and to find random villa xangas. i found rebecca keuch's, which got me thinking of katelyn and everything that happened in 7th grade. even if it what was going on was very complicated, everything was still so simple. i miss them a lot, the seniors. villa really is different this year. i don't know if it's a good different.

hello everyone. in case you can't tell by the date of my last entry, i haven't written in here for nearly two months. i think that in itself is a statement of how my life is going. things are really busy. let's see, since the last time i wrote i went to tennis camp, tried out for the team, made it, and have been on the team since school began. that has been going pretty well. i really like it and i've gotten better since camp when i couldn't even get it over the net lol. school started (i think that's a little obvious) and this year i'm joining SIT-UP, towerette, and life witness. and yes, i know i'm crazy for doing all that along with starting work after tennis season ends and then voice and piano and hopefully three or four plays, the science fair, and still make my goal to be on the honor role. god i'm tired thinking about it.

school has been pretty interesting. i don't know about anyone else, but i think it's changed so much. not just villa (villa never really changes that drastically), but mostly the people. or maybe i'm the one who changed. idk. but sophomore year so far is actually pretty good. i miss some of the stuff from last year, but that happens every year. and i've just begun to notice how badly written this entry is. it's because of the fact that i'm just writing everything down instead of thinking about it. there's a lot to write about.

my brother turned 35 a couple weeks ago and my other brother moved out to colorado in august. he's coming home for my birthday, though. my mom, since it's my sweet 16, is getting the ticket for him to come home for a week. i'm so excited. honestly, that's enough of a sweet 16 gift for me. i'd be happy with just that. and speaking of colorado, my father told me he is thinking of moving out there. i really doubt he'll do it, but then again, if he does, i wouldn't be surprised. i guess my living here isn't much incentive to make him stay. it's not his fault, though. he's in really bad shape. i hate choppy sentences.

which brings me to the final part of this entry, about how my birthday is in two weeks (at least i think it's two weeks). 12 days left to be 15 years old. that sounds really weird. i'm really tired. no one should let me write an entry when my brain activity is at the low level that it's at. i should do history homework. goodnight everyone.

i'm at my mom's office right now so she can drive me to work later. i had my first day yesterday. it's not open yet, so i was filing some things and helping clean up, and then i start working in it when it opens which is somewhere between next week and the week after. i met this guy mike there who is going into his freshman year of college, so he's got to be something like 18 or 19. he was really nice to me, so of course i had no idea how to act around him and seemed to have forgotten all my conversation skills, if i have any at all. that's what's weird about me. i don't know how to act around guys who are nice. i know so much better what to do when they're jerks. he doesn't even know my name. he reminded me so much of my brother. i don't know whether it was the complete freedom or the fact that he kept asking me if i wanted a beer and offering to take me out to go smoke or whatever. he did tell me, though, that my life sucks because i have no time to do anything with school taking up so much time. interesting views, but i don't think my life sucks.

anyway, it's call the waterdog cafe in mendham and it's near the black horse inn and the black horse pub. you all should go!! i promise to treat you really nice!! it's going to be really cute when it's finished.

i'm at my aunt's house right now. alicia is at the john mayer/maroon 5 concert with my aunt and uncle and her and melissa's cousin, and melissa and michele are downstairs watcing a really dumb episode of 7th heaven so i decided to come up here and write in here. my internet is down again so i'm enjoying it here while i can. we're getting optimum online on sunday though so i'm gonna get a new email address and phone number so i'll let you all know about that.

oh and i realized i didn't mention in here that patrick was gone again. he left the day before we came back from myrtle beach. i don't know where he's going, i just know that it's most likely for good. but i made him promise to come back for my birthday even if it's just for a little while. i won't write too much about it here. there's no point in dwelling on what will make me feel bad.

i feel like doing a survey now. they're addicting. this is stolen from shayla who stole it from kelsey:

Have You Ever....

Mooned anyone:: nope
Been on a diet:: yeah
Been to a foreign country:: mexico and the islands!!!!
Broken a bone:: sprained
Swallowed a tooth/cap/filling:: haha yeah i swallowed my first tooth in an oreo
Swear at a teacher:: not to their face
Got in a fight:: yeah
Dated a teacher:: haha. no. 
Laughed so hard you peed your pants:: lol yeah i think so
Thought about killing your enemy:: nope
Gone skinny dipping:: yeah
Told a little white lie:: yeah
Told a secret you swore not to tell:: i hope i didn't
Stolen anything:: nope
Misused a swear word and it sounded absolutely stupid:: lol yeah probably
Been on TV:: not unless you count home videos
Been on the radio:: almost but the people said that they ran out of time or else i would have gone on the air
Been in a mosh pit:: i've been close
Been to a concert:: PROJEKT REVOLUTION!!!!
Dated one of your best friends:: nope
Loved someone so much it makes you cry:: yeah
Deceived somebody close to you:: yeah
Broken the law:: yeah
Been to a rodeo:: nope and i don't wish to
Been on a talk show:: nope
Been on a game show:: nope
Been on an airplane:: **shudder** yeah
Got to ride on a firetruck:: no **tear**
Came close to dying:: i don't think so
Cheated on a bf/gf:: nope
Gave someone a piggy back ride:: yup
Terrorized a babysitter:: nope i was a pretty good kid
Made a mud pie:: nope
Had a dream that you're falling off a cliff:: yeah those are scary
Snuck out of the house at night:: not really
Been so drunk you don't remember your name:: nope
Had an eating disorder:: no
Felt like you didn't belong:: yeah
Felt like the 3rd wheel:: yeah
Smoked:: yeah
Done drugs:: nope
Been arrested:: nope
Had your tonsils removed:: nope
Gone to camp:: yup
Won a bet:: probably. not like a hardcore bet or anything
Written a love letter:: maybe lol i don't remember

Gone out of your way to be with the one you love:: family
Written a love poem:: lol no
Kissed in the rain:: nope
Slow danced with someone you love:: nope
Participated in an orgy:: ew
Faked an orgasm:: ew
Asked a friend for relationship advice::  yes even though i've no real relationship to ask about as far as bf's go

Had a friend steal your bf/gf:: not really
Watched the sunset/rise with someone you love:: my cousins
Gotten a speeding ticket:: nope
Done jail time:: nope
Had to wear a uniform to work:: haha villa

Won a trophy:: yeah
Thrown up in public:: actually i don't think so. but i almost did at delbarton homecoming last year. for some reason i got really sick there
Bowled a perfect game:: nope
Failed/got held back:: failed a test? plenty
Got perfect attendance in grade school:: grade school? no. but i got perfect attendance last year!!!!
Roasted pumpkin seeds:: we may have one year but i could be wrong
Taken ballet/karate lessons:: ballet
Attempted suicide:: not really
Cut yourself:: yes (might as well stop lying about it)

Childhood Stuff
Did you play with Barbies/G.I. Joes:: haha yeah
Did you own Treasure Trolls:: of course
Did you watch Beverly Hills 90210:: nope
Did you play Simon Says:: yeah. that's a frustrating game
Did you watch Fraggle Rock:: OMG YEAH
Did you wet the bed:: i don't think so
Did you believe there were monsters in your closet or under your bed:: i don't remember. i probably did though
Did you wear the underwear with the days of the week on them:: nope
Were you shy:: yes very
Were you spoiled:: probably
Were you abused:: nope
Did you go to the circus:: i think we may have. i threw up though. that might have been medieval times actually.
Did you go to the zoo:: yeah
Were you in a car accident:: nope
Did you build snowmen:: yeah that was fun
Did you cry when you scraped your knee:: no. i refused to cry when i was little
Were your older cousins mean to you:: only when my older cousin michael and my brother hid a ramp under the snow as we were sledding down. that was pretty fun though.

Did you think slinkies were cool:: YEAH
Did you think the Ninja Turtles really lived in the sewer:: of course

Were you afraid of the dark:: yeah
Did you have slumber parties:: yeah
Did you have New Kids on the Block sheets, pillows, pajamas, sleeping bag?: nope
Did you tease your hair out like Tiffany:: who?
Did you believe in the Easter Bunny/Santa Claus/ and the Tooth Fairy:: yeah

Randomness
Do you believe in aliens:: i don't think so
Name three things that are next to your computer:: it's not my computer but a box thing of pens and markers, a telephone book, and a stapler

Do you have any hidden talents:: idk. i can dislocate my thumb
Do you wish MTV would play music videos:: i don't care
If you were to star in a movie, what kind of movie would it be:: idk. maybe comedy
What's the scariest movie you've ever seen:: i really don't know
What is the best movie you've seen in the theater or rented recently:: i don't know. i'm not good at these kinds of questions

What is the dumbest movie you've ever seen:: haha. the village is coming into my head but only because it had a dumb ending

Do you drive:: not yet
What is your dream car:: i don't know
Do you think your good looking:: nope
Do others think you are good looking:: nope
Would you ever sky dive:: noooo
Do you believe in Bigfoot::  nope
How many rooms do you have in your house:: counting bathrooms....9
Are you afraid of roller coasters:: yeah
Do you believe in God:: yeah
Do you believe in Satan:: no
Do you believe there is a heaven:: i hope so
Do you believe there is a hell::  we are in hell
Do you own a pooltable:: no
Do you have a pool:: i used to
Do you have a dishwasher in your kitchen:: nope
Do you like chocolate:: hell yeah
Who/what is on your recent calendar:: the only one i can think of is the one we made of sadie
How many U.S. states have you been to:: counting new jersey and states we've driven through to get wherever we're gonig to....10 or 11
Ever wished on a shooting star:: yeah
Best Halloween costume you ever wore:: the mailbox

Do you carry any weapons on you:: lol shhhh
What is your weakness:: i don't know. i have a few
Name something you can't get enough of:: i don't know
Describe yourself in 3 adjectives:: that's a hard question. all i can think of are the stupid adjectives like "nice" and "girl"
How many kids do you want to have:: 0, but that could chance

Future daughters names:: idk
Future sons names:: idk
What is your ideal way to die:: peacefully
How do you release stress:: no comment

Do you consider yourself a trendy person:: sometimes i make it a point not to be, but mostly just no
Are you an artisitic person:: yeah i try to be
Are you a realistic person?:: usually
Do you un-tie your shoes every time you take them off?:: usually no
Are you a strong person:: supposedly i am

Are you a strong willed person:: supposedly i am
Who is the last person to e-mail you:: joanna v
Who is the last person to IM you:: jamie
Do you hate chain e-mails:: yeah
Are you a deep sleeper:: sometimes yes sometimes no
A re you a good story teller:: not really
What do you believe is your best quality:: idk
What is your greatest accomplishment:: idk
Do you like to burn candles or incense:: both
Do you have your own credit card:: nope
Let's say you win the lotto. What do you do with all that money?:: something good i hope

Do you have a check book:: nope
Do you like your drivers licence::  i don't have one yet
Do you tan easily:: nope
What color is your hair naturally:: brown
How many fillings do you have:: i don't think any
How many cavities did you have at your last dentist visit:: none
Worst feeling in the world?:: loss i guess
Best feeling in the world:: being loved
Is the glass half empty or half full:: half full
Last thing you downloaded:: never downloaded anything before
Do you catch yourself using online terms in your real life?:: i've gotten close
What do you think people think of you:: i hope they think i'm nice
Are you a likeable person:: i think so
Do you need therapy:: been in it for a year
Do you take medication for a chemical imbalance:: i've been close
Do you love your bf/gf:: don't have one
If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge would they call it FED UP:: no stupid

When are you moving:: probably soon
What's your favorite phrase:: i don't know